The Year in Popular Culture

The other day I was talking to my roommate, Placenta Juan the afterbirth tycoon, and I made the mistake of asking his advice. "Placenta Juan the afterbirth tycoon," I said, "I'm starting a blog and I need a subject to write about." Placenta Juan the afterbirth tycoon just stared at me through his cold, dead eyes, paradoxically spiteful and disinterested. I could tell he thought me a fool for doing a blog and sullying my views by allowing them to be judged by Joe and Jane Lunchbox.

Eventually he put his Pabst Blue Ribbon on the coffee table and spoke. "I don't know. Do a list or something. They're easy to write. And although they are reductive and attempt to codify things we care about, in this case art, the great unwashed masses seem to enjoy them."

The man is invaluable. Despite his tendency to cackle like a madman whenever we see a dwarf in public.

Thus, I present to you the first half of a list of my favorite pieces of pop culture from 2007. With a second opinion.

11. "In Rainbows" Radiohead (album)
Yes, it's a good album. That's why it's on practically everybodys top ten list. Which is why I put it at number eleven. Just to be contrary. Key track would have to be "House of Cards" wherein Thom Yorke decides he's tired of Justin Timberlake getting all the girls and leads his band through what I guess is Radiohead's idea of what a sultry, sinewy funk jam should sound like.

Placenta Juan the afterbirth tycoon says:
Fucking Radiohead are the most over-rated pieces of ass-hattery since 10cc. "House of Cards" tries so hard to make these anemic, morose elitists sound sexy it's almost touching. Or it would be if it didn't call to mind an image of a toaster trying to masturbate. Congratulations, boys, you've created a new genre: baby-making music for robots.

10. Flight of the Conchords (television)
This HBO show about a couple of New Zealand musicians struggling to succeed in New York city is very funny and the music is consistently good.

Placenta Juan the afterbirth tycoon says:
I watched this show once. The only time I laughed was when one of the actors played a non-corporeal version of David Bowie circa "Labyrinth." If you are writing for a comedy series and the only way you can get a laugh is to reference a film starring a bunch of muppets and an impeccable piece of jail bait then you may as well castrate yourself and get a job on the writing staff of "Grey's Anatomy." Hey, I made a pun: Anatomy, castrate. If you would like to possess a wit as dazzling as mine then you should sign up for my online comedy course - "Placenta Juan the afterbirth tycoon's Spurious School of Comedy". You'll learn how to master everything from whoopee cushions to Hitler jokes. Laughifaction guaranteed. The address is http://www.punchinganoldmanintheballsisalwayshilarious.com/

9. The Road by Cormac McCarthy (book)
Writing the bleakest, most depressing book about the end of the world is some sort of accomplishment. It's also rather beautiful at times which makes it all the more devastating.

Placenta Juan the afterbirth tycoon says:
McCarthy might as well have titled this book "I Am Going to Shit on You For the Next 300 Pages." Jesus date-raping Christ, I would rather stab my eyes out with Elton John's flaccid cock than have to read this book again.

8. Zodiac (Film)
David Fincher is an obsessive director and has, not surprisingly, made the definitive film about obsession. The fact that he's managed to somehow turn time itself into an antagonist is almost brilliant.

Placenta Juan the afterbirth tycoon says:
If David Fincher dedicated the rest of his life to selling heroin to kittens I would still hate him less than I do for making this film.

7. 30 Rock (Television)
A noted male comedian once opined that women aren't funny. Tina Fey is fortunately proving him wrong.

Placenta Juan the afterbirth tycoon says:
The only reason this is on the list is because my roommate wants Tina Fey to rape him.

6. Inland Empire (Film)
David Lynch's 3 hour, shot on video mindfuck is not an easy film to watch, willfully so, but it's worth the effort.

Placenta Juan the afterbirth tycoon says:
The slowest film of the year. Some critics have likened it to a waking nightmare. I had one of those the other day. I was watching a movie called "Inland Empire or Laura Dern Walks Around and Cries A lot For A Long Time" and found the film so unpleasant to look at - I've seen amateur pornography with more aesthetic sense - that I had to drink myself unconscious. When I woke up two days later this film was STILL PLAYING ON THE TELEVISION!

There will be blood! And references to pancakes. But mostly blood.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the birth of my blog. Perhaps you are asking yourself "What makes this douche-ninja think his opinions are interesting and/or valid enough to present to the public, or more succintly, why does the world need another blog?" Well, the truth is, the world does not need another blog. But it's getting one, whether it likes it or not.